The Beginning

It all started one Sunday night in May. Waffles, Uncle Money, and myself were just sitting in the garage having a beer and watching basketball. Nothing really out of the ordinary had been going on so we weren't exactly on high alert. Around midnight Waffles went inside to take a phone call. A few seconds later Money and I heard something coming from the front yard. Now it was a little late for anyone to be walking around the neighborhood so after we shared one of those "Did you hear that too?" looks we both got up and exited the garage to investigate. We didn't find anything and returned to our seats. Not 30 seconds later I heard something else. As I spun around in my chair the creature emerged from between the Jeep and Mustang parked in the driveway. It made a rush for me and I was caught completely off guard, but had just enough time to get my hands up and grab it by the neck. Uncle Money was quick on the draw and side-armed his bottle of Budweiser (empty of course) across he room and despite his buzz, connected with the creature's nose. It let out a scream equivalent to a pissed of panther, so it still felt pain. Good sign. I quickly got to my feet and looked for a weapon. At my immediate disposal there wasn't much to choose from. I decided on a lawn chair and rather than run decided to stay and fight. As it was recovering from the shot to the nose I smashed it with a lawn chair WWE style. Unfortunately the chair simply molded around the body and didn't hurt at all. It did however tie the zombie up long enough for Uncle Money and myself to re-arm. I had left my Ninja sword at the samurai store so I yanked a rod out of the Foosball table to use and quickly stopped off at the beer fridge for a cold one. (It seemed like a good idea) Money snagged the chain-link dog leash off the floor. We positioned ourselves on either side of the zombie ready to attack, just as it got free of the lawn chair. I was hacking away and protecting my beer but the zombie was fast and dodged most of my strikes. Money was trying to lasso it around the neck from across the garage but this only pissed it off. It turned on him and had him cornered. Uncle Money was in trouble and I wasn't going to get there in time. Just then Superhero Waffles emerged from the front yard (she had flanked around via the front door). She one-handed an empty trash can and in one fluid motion bagged the zombie like a pro, bringing the can down over the bastard's head and arms. Money and I quickly took action and tackled it before it could get the can off. We managed to get the can planted on the ground with the zombie completely inside. I jumped on top to keep it there and Waffles grabbed my makeshift sword and started going Comanche on the sides of the can. Money ran inside and grabbed his new .45 pistol. He came out, aimed the piece, and cracked one off. Silence. We gave it a minute and still nothing. We looked at each other for a sec and with a nod I dismounted the trash can. We yanked it off and then realized it was the recent divorcee from across the street. Money shrugged, gave her one more shot to the head as insurance, and went to the fridge for another beer. We all shed a sigh of relief as the adrenaline subsided. I was in a little shock still not really believing what had just happened. I looked at Waffles and she asked "can we close the garage now?"

After our first encounter it was clear we had some work to do. We needed a plan, fast.

Posted by Ninja